Leaving now ...

I've experienced before the glowing euphoria and sense of being maybe not quite immortal then certainly fairly indestructible.

It comes when you hand in your notice and start to serve out that notice period at your employment.

The colleagues you like ask earnestly what you intend to do and how you will make ends meet. The ones you have got on less well with ask also but through a sardonic smile or gritted off-whites. Not quite believing that someone who they held in the utmost disinterest has had the balls to give it all up and get the hell out. They are too much part of the "system" to contemplate such a course of action but then there's no harm in eliciting a few facts for the future should the lunatics seriously begin to look like taking over the asylum.

The senior managers try to avoid eye contact but when pressed are at pains to ask what plans you have. I have not quite got to the "f*ck it all" state of mind so do not reply with "the priesthood or maybe hunger strike.." For someone to leave who has always been peripheral to their day to day planning and thoughts it must be hellish difficult to find the energy to even ask let alone contort their face into a benevolent demeanour.

And then there's your line manager. He genuinely cares about what will become of you. He also is worrying desperately over who will do what you did yesterday in 3 weeks time. He can't replace you of course but has to "redistribute" the grief to others already over-burdened with clack and bumf. He also bears the pained expression partly hearfelt but also for himself for his budgetary constraints his targets his staff. One less. How long can this persist?

Bless her the cleaner breezes in as ever when I am in mid phone call. Crashes the door open bangs my litter bin against the radiator trying to dislodge the foil yoghurt lid. "Heard you're leaving love?...don't blame you.. they're all bloody swines here. And that new boss well I don't know really I don't.."

Says it all really.