It had to come of course. I have been here before 5 times in actual fact. Apart from my protracted employ with a large Telecoms company which lasted 23 years my average in 4 further posts is about 4 years each.
My current role ends today after nearly 8 years and the familiar feelings of "escape" and euphoria are here but also the pang of turning another page and being unsure precisely what is written overleaf.
It may be blindingly obvious to all of you (both, eek) that life is all about people friends family but people. From time to time it IS about mortgages or sleepless nights or buying cars but when the dust settles and it does eventually it is people that define us all and make us who we are. We need them like they need us.
So on this final day I will look back kindly on those who have helped and guided me who have been friendly cooperative and generous in time and spirit and deliberately exclude those who have never fitted that template.
8am - arrived in office puts kettle on and checks I have a little milk in cold bag. Check. My little bijou office is around 16 degrees C and already feels a bit warmer than I like. Turns radiator down.
8.30am checks drawers and cabinets to see if there is any more I can make waste or more importantly anything personal I need to liberate for the last time.
The office is looking very bare as I have been removing and taking home those little things that have made this my home from home for nearly 8 years. The kettle the calendar and wall clock appear to be the key remaining items. Then I spot the PC speakers and a multi-coloured eraser my son gave me around 15 years ago. The bleached photos have already gone home to an uncertain future but they served their purpose in dark times when I was feeling at my wits end.
9am thinking of bacon now and a large bap with brown sauce and maybe a hash brown. Wanders around. Not many staff around. Easter hols. Will make the departure easier. Quicker. Had said expressly to boss that I did not want any ceremony drama or presentation just to get the hell out with least fuss. He isn't around not sure what will ensue. Bacon certainly.
continues...
Yes there WAS bacon and 2 sausages and a huge bap the size of the Isle of Wight. Two bites in there's a knock on the door. Senior manager came to tell me my boss WOULD be in later and apologized for interrupting my drowning in bap and meat products.
1pm decided to go for the "hot" lunch option. Something of a departure from crisps & sandwich I have survived on previously. Now sleep looks likely. Warm office full stomach. More cupboards to scour and files to archive delete or nab. So little time.
For the umpteenth time someone has visited and said "you MUST come and see me to say goodbye before you leave" and I lied and said I would. But I won't. My appointment with boss approaches and I'm sure he is more troubled by the prospect than me. Still I can't stop thinking I might collapse in tears and beg to be reinstated. No that won't happen. This is one of those (few) times in life you have to steel yourself and you just get through it. Somehow. Like root canal work, childbirth or prison. Not that I have experienced either of the latter.
3pm after 2nd coffee (now twitching like Jack Douglas) boss bursts in full of apologies and after shave. Come and see a few people... we've had a little collection. Yea right so that would be a presentation in front of about 50 people speeches and all and what I expressly said was not on. Well it did. I was brief humble lacking melodrama and choked as is my way.
Packed up my adequate Lowundai with various ancillary items and shipped out never to return certainly not in this lifetime. Turns page...
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Leaving now ...
I've experienced before the glowing euphoria and sense of being maybe not quite immortal then certainly fairly indestructible.
It comes when you hand in your notice and start to serve out that notice period at your employment.
The colleagues you like ask earnestly what you intend to do and how you will make ends meet. The ones you have got on less well with ask also but through a sardonic smile or gritted off-whites. Not quite believing that someone who they held in the utmost disinterest has had the balls to give it all up and get the hell out. They are too much part of the "system" to contemplate such a course of action but then there's no harm in eliciting a few facts for the future should the lunatics seriously begin to look like taking over the asylum.
The senior managers try to avoid eye contact but when pressed are at pains to ask what plans you have. I have not quite got to the "f*ck it all" state of mind so do not reply with "the priesthood or maybe hunger strike.." For someone to leave who has always been peripheral to their day to day planning and thoughts it must be hellish difficult to find the energy to even ask let alone contort their face into a benevolent demeanour.
And then there's your line manager. He genuinely cares about what will become of you. He also is worrying desperately over who will do what you did yesterday in 3 weeks time. He can't replace you of course but has to "redistribute" the grief to others already over-burdened with clack and bumf. He also bears the pained expression partly hearfelt but also for himself for his budgetary constraints his targets his staff. One less. How long can this persist?
Bless her the cleaner breezes in as ever when I am in mid phone call. Crashes the door open bangs my litter bin against the radiator trying to dislodge the foil yoghurt lid. "Heard you're leaving love?...don't blame you.. they're all bloody swines here. And that new boss well I don't know really I don't.."
Says it all really.
It comes when you hand in your notice and start to serve out that notice period at your employment.
The colleagues you like ask earnestly what you intend to do and how you will make ends meet. The ones you have got on less well with ask also but through a sardonic smile or gritted off-whites. Not quite believing that someone who they held in the utmost disinterest has had the balls to give it all up and get the hell out. They are too much part of the "system" to contemplate such a course of action but then there's no harm in eliciting a few facts for the future should the lunatics seriously begin to look like taking over the asylum.
The senior managers try to avoid eye contact but when pressed are at pains to ask what plans you have. I have not quite got to the "f*ck it all" state of mind so do not reply with "the priesthood or maybe hunger strike.." For someone to leave who has always been peripheral to their day to day planning and thoughts it must be hellish difficult to find the energy to even ask let alone contort their face into a benevolent demeanour.
And then there's your line manager. He genuinely cares about what will become of you. He also is worrying desperately over who will do what you did yesterday in 3 weeks time. He can't replace you of course but has to "redistribute" the grief to others already over-burdened with clack and bumf. He also bears the pained expression partly hearfelt but also for himself for his budgetary constraints his targets his staff. One less. How long can this persist?
Bless her the cleaner breezes in as ever when I am in mid phone call. Crashes the door open bangs my litter bin against the radiator trying to dislodge the foil yoghurt lid. "Heard you're leaving love?...don't blame you.. they're all bloody swines here. And that new boss well I don't know really I don't.."
Says it all really.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Short break away
Not been away for sometime due to financial
"constraints". Well you know what I mean.
Just popped down to the New Forest to a lovely little cottage my wife spotted in a brochure just outside Brockenhurst. Hope to get some fresh air and rid myself of this never-ending cough/cold. More soon.
Cont...
Sadly the cough/cold is still with me or rather IS me as my personality seems to have been subsumed by the dark and toxic power of this lurgy. Get to the ponies...
Oh sorry yes the New Forest is a delightful and peaceful area of great beauty inhabited by roving wild ponies who all look desperately unhappy and under-appreciated. Perhaps they caught it from me. They are I guess suffering from the very same SADS which I thought was now lifting with the arrival of lighter days. The New Forest dark damp and shrouded with mist is a forboding place of great character and atmosphere and you can sometimes catch glimpses of the Hound of the Baskervilles in the swirling soup.
It was great but back home and back at work and stuff the enchanted forest seems gazilions of light years away..
"constraints". Well you know what I mean.
Cont...
Sadly the cough/cold is still with me or rather IS me as my personality seems to have been subsumed by the dark and toxic power of this lurgy. Get to the ponies...
Oh sorry yes the New Forest is a delightful and peaceful area of great beauty inhabited by roving wild ponies who all look desperately unhappy and under-appreciated. Perhaps they caught it from me. They are I guess suffering from the very same SADS which I thought was now lifting with the arrival of lighter days. The New Forest dark damp and shrouded with mist is a forboding place of great character and atmosphere and you can sometimes catch glimpses of the Hound of the Baskervilles in the swirling soup.
It was great but back home and back at work and stuff the enchanted forest seems gazilions of light years away..
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Tuesday is the start of the week
Well nobody in their right mind would count Monday would they?
I always rise early at some forgotten hour in darkness. I am anxious about the weekly weigh in to chart my progress as a weight watcher. Before you reach for the "unfollow" button or "get me outta here" link let me just say quickly I am making slow and steady progress to reduce this over sized mass into something more tenable. OK that's that you still here? Phew thanks.
Tuesday is important to me for several reasons. I have a small space to carry out the vital functions of "waking up" and "drinking tea". In my experience neither of these should be neglected otherwise your day can go pear-shaped before it ever gets off the ground. How's that for mixing your whatever they are?
My youngest son Merlot has been ordering in a number of parcels in the last week. Vin de Table has had the misfortune to take delivery of these at all hours between 10am and 4pm and wonders how he has managed to cope with the interrupted sleep. The truth became clearer last evening when Merlot said he was about to load the operating system and for the first time I saw this monstrous PC case with more fans than the cross channel hovercraft which sadly no longer "hovers". It has glowing blue LEDs and a rich red heart visible through the glass side. It is a thing of beauty in a house of mediocrity. He nonchalantly inserts the CD and I wait for the beeps to indicate that the mother-load is not connected to the thigh-bone thrusters...but nothing. A spin here and wisp of fan there and Windows 7 is indeed being loaded.
Being a parent is a rewarding activity interspersed with crises and drama. Children are an essential ingredient and my son who seemed not long ago incapable of tying his shoe-laces had built his own PC.
I glowed with pride. Not quite as brightly as the PC but then it's not as old as I am. My work here may not be done quite but it is becoming more and more inconsequential.
Have a good day.
I always rise early at some forgotten hour in darkness. I am anxious about the weekly weigh in to chart my progress as a weight watcher. Before you reach for the "unfollow" button or "get me outta here" link let me just say quickly I am making slow and steady progress to reduce this over sized mass into something more tenable. OK that's that you still here? Phew thanks.
Tuesday is important to me for several reasons. I have a small space to carry out the vital functions of "waking up" and "drinking tea". In my experience neither of these should be neglected otherwise your day can go pear-shaped before it ever gets off the ground. How's that for mixing your whatever they are?
My youngest son Merlot has been ordering in a number of parcels in the last week. Vin de Table has had the misfortune to take delivery of these at all hours between 10am and 4pm and wonders how he has managed to cope with the interrupted sleep. The truth became clearer last evening when Merlot said he was about to load the operating system and for the first time I saw this monstrous PC case with more fans than the cross channel hovercraft which sadly no longer "hovers". It has glowing blue LEDs and a rich red heart visible through the glass side. It is a thing of beauty in a house of mediocrity. He nonchalantly inserts the CD and I wait for the beeps to indicate that the mother-load is not connected to the thigh-bone thrusters...but nothing. A spin here and wisp of fan there and Windows 7 is indeed being loaded.
Being a parent is a rewarding activity interspersed with crises and drama. Children are an essential ingredient and my son who seemed not long ago incapable of tying his shoe-laces had built his own PC.
I glowed with pride. Not quite as brightly as the PC but then it's not as old as I am. My work here may not be done quite but it is becoming more and more inconsequential.
Have a good day.
Monday, March 4, 2013
New Beginning
I have decided to launch this blog again after several weak attempts thwarted by writer's block or inept website husbandry which lost all my precious collection. Anyway today is another day and you have to start somewhere...
I gaze out over a bright and sunny landscape in South Gloucestershire which looks welcoming but is chilled by the seasonal wind which demands three layers or more. I feel positive about things going on in my life some of which are not so welcome (employment front) but the lengthening days promise sunshine and beauty in the coming months. I am a soul who really should live in warm climes through the winter as I am drastically inhibited in every way so see Spring as a time of renewal and renaissance each time it comes around.
Some of you will know that I love my family Preston North End and making bread. It isn't quite THAT simple but that's enough to be going on with.
I am tempted almost to say something like "wish me well on my journey.." but if anyone uses that cliche (journey) again on our TV I may not be responsible for my actions. You will soon gather that as a grumpy old git I DO have my favourite things to moan about. Let's call use of the crass expression JOURNEY as number 1.
I hope you come and visit again.
I gaze out over a bright and sunny landscape in South Gloucestershire which looks welcoming but is chilled by the seasonal wind which demands three layers or more. I feel positive about things going on in my life some of which are not so welcome (employment front) but the lengthening days promise sunshine and beauty in the coming months. I am a soul who really should live in warm climes through the winter as I am drastically inhibited in every way so see Spring as a time of renewal and renaissance each time it comes around.
Some of you will know that I love my family Preston North End and making bread. It isn't quite THAT simple but that's enough to be going on with.
I am tempted almost to say something like "wish me well on my journey.." but if anyone uses that cliche (journey) again on our TV I may not be responsible for my actions. You will soon gather that as a grumpy old git I DO have my favourite things to moan about. Let's call use of the crass expression JOURNEY as number 1.
I hope you come and visit again.
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